Hats Off to the Chef!

When I was a wee lad, meal time meant gathering around the table. Everyone sat together and talked about events and enjoyed the meal. And the men folk would remove their hats before sitting down. Going out to a restaurant, same thing. Men removed their hats before sitting down. The coat rack at the door also had a shelf for hats, and as often as not it would be layered in a variety of head coverings. Everything from dressy cowboy hats to battered ball caps were removed and shelved for the meal. I asked once, in my youthful innocence, why this was done. I was told it was a sign of respect toward others at the table, that it was a polite thing to do. You remove your hat for the flag, for meals, in church, in school, and when kissing your lady. Women, of course, were never required to remove their hats. This is largely due to a holdover when ladies hats were essentially bolted to their heads with multiple pins, clips, duct tape, cement, whatever they could use. Women never did have to remove their hats, and those who wear hats still don't remove them, even if it's a ball cap.

This doesn't happen anymore. I was in a small diner yesterday and most of the men were wearing their ball caps. Even one elderly man had his gaudily patriotic ball cap on while eating. I, of course, removed my fedora and placed it on the table next to me, not having a hat rack or empty chair to use. This garnered a few looks, but my appearance usually does so I took little notice. Still, no other hats were removed. I left my hat off until I stood up, as should be.

When did this small sign of respect fall to the wayside? When did it become too much hassle to remove your hat? I've been at a number of events which display the national flag and seen far too many men with their heads covered. Restaurants, same thing. Since I rarely attend any church, I can't say as I've noticed this trend there but the last church I attended (just a couple weeks ago) I didn't see any hats either in the sanctuary or on the hat rack. That was something, at least. If you aren't wearing a hat you don't have to worry about removing it.

Maybe it's because we've become so focused on our appearances we're afraid to be seen with "hat hair." We don't want people to see our heads for the mess they are from wearing a hat. This, of course, is vanity. I know my hair is mussed, but I would rather show my dining partner a bit of manners than be rude for shame in my hair.

Or perhaps it's laziness. The removal of a hat when greeting someone has downgraded to barely touching the brim, if that. Granted, tugging your forelock was a suitable alternative to removing your hat, but only if you didn't have a hat on in the first place. The removal of a hat when sitting down to eat isn't difficult. Hang it from the back of the chair, use the hat rack, place it on an empty chair, place it under your chair. It's not difficult or time consuming. You simply have to remember where you left it so you can retrieve it when done.

Gentlemen (and all you other guys out there), it's time we bring back manners. It's not a sign of weakness but strength to show manners and grace in the face of adversity. Remove the chapeau when sitting down to eat or when the flag goes by. Show the world your head  in all its disheveled glory. Demonstrate to your dinner date the respect they deserve, and if she's any kind of lady she'll have the manners not to stare at your hair. Be gentlemen once more!

Why buy the cow...?

So, I feel like I need to voice my opinion on something that is troubling me. No, it’s not a major controversy. At least, it’s not for most of the participants. Still, it bothers me and it seems to be getting worse.

There is a trend, and has been going on for several years now, of man-bashing. And yes, it’s getting worse. Every day I see posts on Facebook about how “Real Men” need to treat women, and how lousy men in general actually are.  Television is full of childish, immature, stupid men being dominated and controlled by highly intelligent, strong willed women and children.

Gone are the days of ‘Father Knows Best’ and ‘My Three Sons’ and other show that had positive male role models. Now we have the bumbling, inept dolts who couldn’t make the right decision if it were the only decision. What happened?

I’ll tell you what happened. Women happened. A few decades ago, men were allowed to be strong and intelligent. Then we were told that things needed to change. Men needed to “get in touch with our feminine side.” Okay, fine, I’m good with that. After all, that leads to equality, right? No.

It got worse. Once women knew they could force men to do whatever they wanted, they took advantage of it. “A woman is allowed to change her mind. It’s a woman’s right.” It became about keeping men guessing and off balance so women could be in control. Women started treating men like children, and men regressed because it’s what the women wanted.  The more men regressed, the worse they were treated. The worse they were treated, the more they regressed.

The problem is, now we have all these women saying such twaddle as “A ‘Real Man’ would treat a woman the same way he wants a boy to treat his daughter” and “A ‘Real Man’ would make sure his woman is taken care of physically, emotionally, and financially” and that whole thing about Boaz and his supposed relatives.

Unfortunately, nothing is being said about how a ‘Real Woman’ should treat a man. I brought this question up, and was asked to prove what a ‘Real Woman’ was. I asked them to show me what a ‘Real Man’ was and was referred back to the nonsense post that originated the question. Many of the same women who post about what a ‘Real Man’ should do then post about what bitches they are and how they don’t care about others and so on.

My thought is, if a woman can act in any manner she chooses, what motivates the man to want to act properly for her? If he must make all these improvements in his life just to please her, and she is not required to improve herself, what’s the point? Sex? Guess again.  He’ll just move on to someone who doesn’t require so much sacrifice unequally.

Ah, equality. There it is. Yes, I know that for years, decades, centuries, women were treated as second-class citizens at best and as property at worst. I’m not denying women have had it rough. What I am saying is that if you want to be treated as equals, you need to work for equality rather than domination. I’m all for equality. If you’re interested in domination, though, move along. I don’t support female domination any more than I support male domination. So if you want men to treat you as special, you need to start treating men better too. It’s a two-way street. You don’t deserve respect until you can show it. If you can’t give me respect, I won’t give you any. Capice?

Men and Women are both from Earth... Deal with it.

Today I'm going to venture away from politics and talk about something that's a little closer to home. Recently, primarily on Facebook but in other places as well, the concept of all males being complete jerks, while all females are hardworking, loyal, perfect angels. Commercials on television showing how hard Today's Mom works to maintain the house, her job, the family, while nothing is shown of any man in her life. Postings on Facebook complain about boys (and men) being abusive or just acting like little children. While I can't and won't deny there is SOME truth to this, the concept is far from complete fact.

I know many women who sit around and yell at the man in their lives, ordering him around and degrading him while he works, does handyman jobs around the house, deals with the children, etc. I hear stories of girls in school who will walk up to a boy and hit him, and then say "You can't hit me back. I'm a girl." I've even known adult women who do this. I don't know how many status updates on Facebook I've seen from women complaining of being treated like eye candy and how men are only interested in their appearance, and then post a photo of some hunky beefcake with comments of lust accompanying them. I'm sure most of you have seen the jokes passed around about how men are only interested in two things: Sex and Beer. The Rules of Women, basically telling men to simply bow down and do whatever the woman says no matter what he wants, thinks or feels. I know most of this is at least partially intended as humor, but there's far too much "Uh huh" and "You know it!" heard in the background.

I lost track of how many women I've heard complaining that they want a man who is caring and loving, supportive, romantic, all those things they read about in books and see in movies. Unfortunately, when a man just like that shows up, he's treated as a friend while the woman is off with the beefy bohunk who looks good but doesn't care about her. In fact, I know one woman who claims to love a certain man, but ignores him for months, runs off to marry or live with other men, and only comes running back to this one man when some other woman shows any interest in him at all. She comments frequently about how much she loves whomever she's living with at the time, and about flirting with this guy and that guy, yet maintains that it's really this one particular man that she otherwise ignores that she loves. Yes, I also know men who do this same thing. However, that's according to the stereotype that men are cast in, while we are told women wouldn't do such a thing.

Let me make this perfectly clear: I do not believe one gender as a whole is superior to the other. Men have their good points and bad points, as do women. As individuals, though, there are plenty of sub-par persons and above-par persons to make any point you want. There are men who do almost all of the housework, home repair, child care, and work outside the home. There are also men who do nothing around the house except make it dirtier, leaving all the work to the woman. There are also women who act in both of those manners.

Now, women are complaining they want to be treated equally. I'm fine with that. I have no trouble with that at all. However, if you want to be treated as an equal, you have to act as an equal. You don't want a man hitting you, don't hit a man. You want a man to hold a door open for you, try holding a door for a man. You want him to put the toilet seat down, put the lid down too so you're both inconvenienced. You want equal pay, do equal work. It's really just that simple. If you want to be equal, BE EQUAL. I'm more than happy to treat you as an equal, but if I put my arm around your shoulder just like I would anyone else, don't go crying harassment. If I'm your boss and tell you to do a job you don't want to do, that's fine. I can get another employee. I'm not going to let you not do your work simply because you're a woman. I don't even care if you don't wear make-up or fix your hair or shave your legs or wear the lacy thongs. It doesn't matter to me. However, if I have to shave my beard, you have to shave yours. Equal treatment means doing the same thing. You can fix yourself up any way you want to, but don't expect me to let you off easy because you did it. You're doing it for your own benefit, not mine.